Budgeting3 Secrets to avoid arguing about money

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 0 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Last week I wrote about our relationship with money (in particular, our credit cards!), which made me think that while on the subject it would be worthwhile to explore the impact money has on our relationships.

I did some digging, and came across some interesting (and concerning) stats from Relationships Australia:

  • Money and disagreements about money are a major cause for divorce
  • 7 out of 10 couples report that money causes tension in their relationships.

Woah!

So on that note, this week I reached out to relationship expert Emily Chadbourne, founder of That Crazy Thing Called Love, and asked her for some tips on how we can avoid having arguments over money.

Here is what she had to say…[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section bg_color=”#252525″ parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 0 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_custom_headline level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”false”]The secret to survival[/x_custom_headline][cs_text]As a business owner, it can be quite stressful juggling money around and to make matters that little bit more complicated, my partner owns his own business too (because who doesn’t love stress, right?).

In order for us to survive as a couple, in business and in general, we’ve had to be on the same page when it comes to our finances. I work with women who need help in the LOVE department. They are either transitioning out of a relationship or seeking one. Basically I hear all sorts of of stories and a common theme which comes up time and time again, is money. It can literally ruin your relationship.

If you and your partner are on different pages when it comes to running your finances, you could find yourself with more problems than just paying your mortgage!

Let me introduce you to Suzie. Suzie is a client of mine and in the past, money had destroyed her relationships. Through one of my programs, Suzie found a great guy (Dave) and before they moved in together Suzie called me to ask for advice on how to start a conversation with him about money.

I let Suzie in on some little secrets about men, money and how to open what can be a difficult conversation. She applied everything I told her and had a great chat with Dave, which put them on the same page and going in the same direction with their financial goals. And I’m pleased to say, they’re still together now and the only thing they argue over is Dave’s obsession with Downton Abbey, and never money!

So I thought I would share my top 3 tips with you.

[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 0 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_custom_headline level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”false”]Tip # 1 : Men need to be appreciated.[/x_custom_headline][cs_text class=”cs-ta-left”]
Male pride is a real thing (go figure!) so bear that in mind, especially if your circumstances mean that your household isn’t earning as much as you’d like. A great opener is something like “I really appreciate how hard you work/everything you do for me/what a great dad you are.” It sounds cliche but start with a good ego stroke.

Showing a man appreciation is the most powerful way to make him feel like a man. At all costs, you want to avoid saying anything that might give the impression that you don’t think he earns enough money.

Money = security and if your man sees that you don’t feel safe and secure, he may very well turn into a boy and react in defensiveness. It’s never a good idea to say anything like “Your wage alone isn’t enough” (he hears you say, YOU’RE not enough).[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section bg_color=”#252525″ parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 0 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_custom_headline level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”false” style=”color: rgb(255, 140, 0);”]Tip # 2 : Always bring it back to ‘Why’.[/x_custom_headline][cs_text]
Why is it important for you both to be managing your income? Is it for family? Your children’s education? Are you working towards a family holiday? To be debt free?

You need to have a compelling reason for management of money. And it’s not, just to have more of it. If you can link money management to a positive outcome in your future, you’re both more likely to stick to your financial plans and less likely to find yourself buying him that Foosball table off Gumtree because he really, really wants it![/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 0 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_custom_headline level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”false” style=”color: rgb(255, 140, 0);”]Tip # 3 : Watch your language.[/x_custom_headline][cs_text]And I don’t mean, don’t swear. I mean avoid using words that conjure up feelings of scarcity and sacrifice. If you need to start reining in spending, or changing your lifestyle in order to meet your financial goals, then be careful about not slipping into victimhood.

Sure, you might need to start doing your own nails instead of going to the nail bar, or maybe you’ve swapped dining out for breastfeeding, or maybe he needs to spend less cash in the pub and more on the mortgage. Speaking about these changes as if you’re losing out will only make you both feel like you’re losing out.

So instead of saying :
“Well now we’ve got a baby I can’t afford to go to the gym anymore so you’ll have to put up with me being a bit fat, and you have to give up boys’ night”

try :
“I think one way we can save a bit is if I start working out at home, what do you think? And now that you, John and Pete are all fathers why don’t you float the idea of having boys’ night once a month instead of fortnightly?”

Scarcity breeds scarcity so be abundant when you talk about money.

And as always, remember you’re a team. Support, encourage and build together. Love is the most powerful currency of all. If you’d like any more advice about love and money feel free to get in touch or follow me on facebook and as always, share away!
– Emily[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section bg_color=”#252525″ parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 25px 0px 0;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_custom_headline level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”false” style=”color: rgb(255, 140, 0);”]What about you?[/x_custom_headline][cs_text]How has money impacted on your relationships? Hop on over and join our Women with Cents facebook group and let’s talk more about money and romance! I would love to hear about your experiences, challenges, frustrations and advice!

(p.s. if you wish to join the facebook group remember to check your “Filtered Messages” folder!)

Stay tuned because soon we will be sharing webinars and other materials to teach you more about managing your money – including more on money and relationships! [/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section bg_color=”rgb(37, 37, 37)” parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 0 0px 25px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_custom_headline level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”false”]Submit a Question![/x_custom_headline][cs_text]Have a finance question you’d like answered? Why not drop me a line! Each week I would love to answer a question from the community. Click below to get in touch.[/cs_text][x_button size=”global” block=”false” circle=”false” icon_only=”false” href=”mailto:tash@womenwithcents.com.au” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””]ASK TASH[/x_button][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 25px 0px 0;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”http://www.womenwithcents.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Email-photo.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text style=”font-size:12px;”]The information provided by Women with Cents is general in nature. It doesn’t take into account your objectives, personal financial situation or needs. Think of it as educational material in which to help you make more-informed decisions. We recommend you obtain financial, tax and credit advice specific to your situation before making any investments or financial decisions.

Sova Financial Pty Ltd Trading as Women with Cents. ABN 71 163 435 836 | Sova Financial is an authorised Credit Representative Number 443432 of Finsure Finance & Insurance Pty Ltd, ACL 384704, ABN 72 068 153 926[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

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One comment

  • Sally

    May 20, 2016 at 12:10

    Thank you! It’s always a delicate subject but these tips will go a long way to making the money conversations easier 🙂

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The information provided by Women with Cents is general in nature. It doesn’t take into account your objectives, personal financial situation or needs. Think of it as educational material that helps you make more-informed decisions. We recommend you obtain financial, tax and credit advice specific to your situation before making any investment or financial decisions.

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